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Why Do You Need Problems In Your Life?

Written by: Anna from StoryOfAwakening

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Time to Read 8 min

Every single one of you has experienced some difficult times.

There are days when your work sucks or children get sick at the most inconvenient moment. Your financial worries overwhelm you, or somebody just gets on your last nerve.

Sounds familiar at all?


But as you’ve also experienced, every formidable day or problem has one thing in common: it passes.


Now, if our destiny is to endure every hardship, why have them in the first place? Can’t we just skip the BS and live our lives following a cozy, safe routine?

The answer is no!

Because, like it or not, problems will always be a constant in your life and for an excellent reason!


Difficulties will stretch you, make you grow, and push you out of your comfort zone.


Still, how is it that some people seem to have a knack for getting through challenging situations, while most of us tend to lose our calm and suppress everything?


Step 1  - Understanding the Size of Your Reaction to the Problem

“We cannot control what emotions or circumstances we will experience next, but we can choose how we will respond to them.” - Gary Zukav

The key to getting through our problems with ease and grace lies in our ability to handle our emotions.

There is no escape from our emotions — we will always have them. But our emotions are not meant to control us.

You are the captain of your story; remember that!


Emotions are nothing but the flickers of the surface, but they do serve a highly essential purpose. They draw attention to what’s going on under the surface. They shed light on the real deep wounds that need healing.


The sad part is that most of us get stuck on the surface because we have no idea how to dive deeper. We don’t know how to heal our wounds mindfully, learn the lessons needed for growth, and, most importantly, forgive, let go, and move on! Our outdated education system doesn’t teach us that.


Mindfully facing your problems means you pay attention to the size and depth of your emotional response.

Is this situation triggering something within you? Is it trying to shed light on an old trauma?


For example, you probably stay completely calm when you run out of bread. Because you know you can easily overcome this obstacle by going to the store, the emotional response is minor.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could handle every situation in life calmly like that? With a clear mind, no distracting, overwhelming emotions?


Now, the story might be completely different when you get stuck on an assignment at work. You might get entirely crippled by the fact that you cannot deliver the results you wanted. Why is that? Is it because you have a crappy day, or did your parents constantly nag you in childhood for not being the best in your class? Did that make you feel incompetent and unloved?


For many years I had this strange trigger I couldn´t understand. If someone retained me in a playful matter, I completely lost my calm. Within a fraction of a second, I got really anxious and angry, and all I could think about was how to run away. It felt like I couldn´t breathe and got teary for no obvious reason. It frightened the people around me and myself, too.


Do you see it now?

Do you see how an unresolved issue or a grudge from the past can make your present life so much more complicated and keep you away from the peaceful future you desire?


So, the next time a massive wave of emotions takes over you, instead of lashing out at others, simply take a deep breath in, pause, and ask yourself — why?
Why am I reacting so strongly? What is the trigger? 
What is this situation trying to teach me? What is hiding deep within?
And most importantly — what wound is ready to get healed?

Just by starting to ask these questions, you calm down. The answers will come and clear away a lot of confusion.


Regarding my own personal trigger, I found out that when I was just a little girl, about 3–4 years old, I was sitting on my mother's lap when my parents had yet another of their epic fights. 

I tried to leave, but my mother wouldn´t let me. She grabbed me with all the strength she had and forced me to sit on her lap while screaming at my father. Unfortunately, this was the one time my father lost his temper and hit her. And I was right in the middle of it.

That incident followed me for almost 30 years, causing me pain and confusion for reasons I didn´t understand. But when I started asking the right questions and getting the answers from deep within, everything changed.


Only when the misunderstanding is gone can you truly forgive and move on because understanding brings an entirely new perspective on the situation and the people involved. Healing can finally start.


Step 2  - The Three Ways People Usually Handle Their Challenges

When faced with a problem, people mostly choose between three paths. You have probably walked on all of them at one point or another. I know I have.


1. You let the negative emotion take over you, therefore get stuck in the fact that you have a problem in the first place. The issue will start growing within you, slowly destroying your peace and the people around you. It makes you bitter, cripples you, keeps you locked in a victim stage, and postpones your growth as a human being. Here it is common to blame everybody else for your troubles.


2. You choose the path of denial. You focus merely on the positive and suppress the fact that there even is a problem that needs solving. Unfortunately, this path has become a prevalent choice for people all over the world. But sticking your head under the sand will serve no one. The Universe has a habit of remaining with the lesson-giving part until it’s fully understood. So, slowly but steadily, all the suppressed problems will start piling up and looking for a way out, usually through different addictions. In my case, it was drinking and excessive working.


3. Or you choose the path of neutrality by taking responsibility for your own life and acknowledging both polarities — the fact that you have a problem that needs solving and, at the same time, you have something good in your life, also!


Step 3  - How to Implement the “Neutrality State”

“Positive optimism is not the rejection of sadness, but the thought, even during sadness, that the future will be okay.” - Vishen Lakhiani, the founder of Mindvalley

If something negative happens, you need to balance it out with something positive.

The key here is gratitude. 

You think of something beautiful you have in your life you can be grateful for — your loved ones, a roof over your head, even a great cup of warm coffee in your hands. There are so many people out there who dream of the things you take for granted.

You also show gratitude toward your negative emotions. They are here to teach you. They are giving you a chance to learn something new about yourself and this world. They are allowing you to grow on every level of your existence.

“Right now I feel a sadness. I’m not pushing it away or denying it. I see this sadness as a companion. An energy within my field. I don’t know how long it will be with me. Maybe a month. Maybe years. But I honor it’s there. And I understand why it’s there.” - Reverend Michael Beckwith, right after losing his father

Once you get into this state of neutrality, the magic truly starts happening! You are not afraid of anything anymore. You begin to see everything as a chance for improvement. Every day, no matter the circumstances, you want to become a better person than you were yesterday.


You open yourself up to countless possibilities for positive results, and in that itself lies the strength that keeps you motivated and inspired throughout your whole journey.


From this state of mind, you are always willing to make a conscious choice to face the challenges that arise. You are not afraid to speak up anymore. You feel no shame in looking or asking for help because you don’t want to lose or compromise the good things you have in life.

You are choosing not to surrender to the feeling of despair because this isn’t the only thing you have in your life.


And this is how you gradually and consciously create happiness instead of sorrow.

You are diving deep beneath the surface and bringing the sunlight from above with you.

You are slowly lighting up your soul again.


And that is where the all-consuming, never-ending motivation, happiness, and love come from—the joy of life that gives you all the strength you need to face your hardships, leave them behind, and grow wiser in the process.


Conclusion

So, as you go through your days and gain more and more experience in this game of life, you will gradually start understanding and accepting one significant fact — you will always have problems, and that’s okay!

There’s no need to be afraid of your troubles. Greet them with an open and grateful mind — they are a necessity for your growth. Just remember that your emotions are not meant to control you!


Next time, when faced with a challenging situation that stirs up a lot of strong emotions, go through these three simple steps:


1. Find out the root cause — it gives you clarity and helps you forgive. For that, take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself the most crucial question — why?

  • Why am I reacting so strongly?
  • What is the trigger?
  • What is this situation trying to teach me?
  • What is hiding deep within?
  • And most importantly — what wound is ready to get healed?

2. Choose the path of neutrality.

  • Acknowledge the fact that you have a problem that needs solving.
  • Take responsibility for getting through the situation — you’ve got this!
  • Balance out the negative with practicing gratitude — for the problem that has come to teach you something valuable, and for all the good things you have in your life.

3. Look for help and guidance - there are so many excellent books and articles out there to guide you. Your tribe of loved ones and mentors would like nothing more than to see you succeed — share your troubles and open yourself up to suggestions and new perspectives.


Remember — you would be standing still without your challenges. That is not why your soul has come here.

You have come here to grow, and even if you sometimes don’t believe it yourself, let me tell you — you are doing a great job!

It is like with everything else — the more you practice, the easier it gets.



To wiser days and enlightened ways,

Anna💛


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